From Subzero To Superheats - Muniyandi's Gaffe

            This post is about cool Muniyandi. For those of you who are scratching their heads, think about the tall, bespectacled, soft spoken guy in the S8-Electronics-A batch of S.C.T. (Muniyandi is the name given to him recently by a disgruntled bus conductor of KSRTC). If KP was cool, Nambi was ice, then Muniyandi is what I would call Solid Carbon Dioxide. The dude is very phlegmatic, nonchalant and has a subzero temperament. Whatever happens he’s as cool as a cucumber (can’t help but use that cliché) and literally he walks cool with his head 5000 metres above sea level.

Scenario: Classroom in IMS

            We were about to have our quotidian Group Discussion when Gejo suggested that we do something different for a change. He split the 20 of us into groups of 2. Muniyandi got paired with the tall, bespectacled girl from Barton Hill college (yeah, you guessed it right, the one who comes in the black Kinetic Honda). The game was that everyone should answer 2 questions:-

1. Assume that your partner applied for a job in a leading multi-national corporation. Why do you think your partner should be selected into the company?

2. Why do you think your partner shouldn’t be selected into the company?

The game started. People began giving the mundane, hackneyed answers describing the communication skills, diligence, smartness, and basically a lot of crap about their partners. Muniyandi’s turn came.

Muni: I think the company should definitely hire her because she is very beautiful and hence can attract a lot of customers thereby accelerating the revenues of the company which in turn leads to an increase in the profit margin.

Absolute silence!! The girl started sweating profusely. Gejo still scratching his head about what he just heard. Meanwhile Muniyandi continued:

Muni: I think the company should definitely reject her because she is very beautiful and hence she will divert the attention of her co-workers towards her making them lousy in their jobs thereby reducing the productivity of the company.

The girl almost fainted by now. The whole class turned into a horde of laughing hyenas, in fact I guffawed so much that tears started flowing from my eyes. Heard that cool Muniyandi became hot that day, in fact his cheeks became hot that day, hot due to the impact of high-heeled footwear.

Metamorphosis From Phobia To Mania

           People have different kinds of phobias – arachnophobia (fear of spiders), acrophobia (fear of heights), claustrophobia (fear of closed spaces), and so on. I don’t know when it all started, but I was scared of going to hospitals right from childhood. The smell is nauseating, the needles are petrifying and the masked surgeons are intimidating. And it’s of late I came to know that it’s technically called nosocomephobia (fear of hospitals). So I try to avoid hospitals as much as possible by doing some self medication and fortunately I haven’t had any acute diseases or wounds or fractures so far. But the sore throat that has been nettling me for the past few days had no signs of mitigating despite all my self prescribed medications. In fact, tinges of chocolate colored blood started appearing in the mucous. That’s high time I realized it’s time to visit the long forgotten place - the hospital.

     

          Without wasting much time I reached the hospital, went to casualty, got appointed to an old doc. He took my pulse and blood pressure. The BP was an impressive 120/80 mmHg, the perfect figure for a resting, healthy adult. Then he asked me to go to the lab and take a blood test. It took about 1 hour for the result and I headed back to the doc. As I opened the door my eyes beamed, my jaws dropped, my spine chilled. In the place of the senile doc is, what do I say, an absolutely gorgeous devastatingly beautiful young lady doc. It was her shift of duty then, I suppose. “Thomas Sebastian”, she uttered while looking at my patient record. The way she called my name was in an absolutely sexy accent, stylizing every syllable in it. Told her the symptoms, did an initial checkup and then she took out the sphygmomanometer, held my hand and started taking my BP. 140/90 - that’s the figure.

Doc: Hmm, that’s weird; the record says 120/80, taken just a while ago.
(She then held my other hand and checked my BP again. 150/90- steady increase.)

Doc: Maybe you are having some anxiety now.

Me: Ya, I was kind of scared of the blood test, that’s why. (Oh come on doc, you know why, after all I’m a red blooded young lad)

She prescribed some medicines and asked me to come after 2 days if the symptoms still persist. The symptom will persist after 2 days, that I’m sure, guaranteed.

I came to realize from the vicissitudes of my BP that I’ve yet another phobia – venustraphobia, which is literally fear of beautiful women. Or is it? Maybe it’s venustramania. Or maybe I’ve a fetish for lady docs or maybe I’ve a fetish for women in white. Who knows? Anyways, looking forward for the next appointment. Nosocomephobia?? - No more!!

P.S. Blood in cough was due to some abrasions in throat, which was misunderstood by me, but it did lead me to a very special rendezvous.

Sasi And The Long Arm Of The Law

We’ve seen quirky KP and exaggerative Nambi, now this post is about someone who’s almost sane. In fact, the guy is brilliant, but as the case with KP and Nambi, he too gets aberrant at times. The protagonist this time is Sasi (I guess you know who I’m referring to). Sasi is the kind of kid who'll make any parent brag blatantly. Why?
Get a glimpse of his traits: 

• He doesn’t drink.
• He doesn’t smoke.
• He doesn’t ogle at girls.
• He completes homework and assignments on time.
• He gets astronomical marks in exams.
• He goes to every temple in town.
• He respects people older than him.
And myriad other qualities embraced by the society. His mom is proud (obviously!) and his dad has high hopes! 

Also, the dude has phenomenal concentration while studying that not even ‘Rambha’ or ‘Menaka’ can disrupt, let alone simple college girls. Sasi’s motto: “Girls may come and girls may go, but we have to study and go.” Coming to the aberrant side of things, it is an understatement to say that Sasi is a perfectionist. In fact he’s the paragon that symbolizes the pinnacle of perfection, to the extent that he takes care not to make a single wrinkle on his notebooks. And seeing Sasi lose his temper is one of the dreadful things to see as boys will cry, girls will shy, aunties will fry and uncles will fly.

Now, Sasi is a law abiding citizen. He follows traffic rules, doesn’t overtake by the left, pays all his bills on time, stuff like that. No doubt he’ll make a promising good citizen of future India, will pay his taxes, will do nothing illegally, all in all a citizen that mother India will be proud of. So it’s really amusing to see how such a person gets busted for breaking the long arm of the law.

Scenario:

Sasi, as usual, is riding at 30 kmph in his flinstonian Honda Activa (wearing helmet of course) in the National Highway, when a cop at the roadside signaled him to stop. In fact he signaled to stop the rickshaw coming behind Sasi. But as the law abiding citizen he was, Sasi nonetheless stopped. After checking the rickshaw, the cop turned to Sasi.

Cop: Book edukkeda.
Sasi: (takes a notebook out of his bag)
Cop: Huh!! Vandeede book edukkeda.
Sasi: (thinks for a while and takes out the Honda Activa user manual)
Cop: !!! Neeyenthaada aale vadiyaakunno.
Sasi: Saar, ithaanu vandeede book.
Cop: Eda manda, RC book aanu njaan udeshiche. Pandu athoru book aayirunnu, ippum oru laminated paper aanu, athundo ennanu choodiche.
Sasi: Illa.
Cop: Pinne enthu dhairyathilaada vandeem eduthoondirangiye.

Cop takes out a paper, scribbles something and gives it to Sasi. Thousand bucks fine!!! Sasi’s jaws dropped. Momma's precepts, Pappa's aspirations and mother India's hopes are shattered. Rest of the story is history (which is still a mystery).