AutoBalan's NASA (with a twist of Reverse Blooper)

AutoBalan is an Automobile engineering student in our college and is in the same class as AutoTom. AutoBalan has an answer for every question even if he’s ignorant of it. Listen to a conversation between AutoTom and AutoBalan (overheard by a well-wisher in their class):

AutoTom: ee NASA yude full-form enthonnede?
AutoBalan (after thinking for a while): National Auto Sport Association!!!
AutoTom: orappaana?
AutoBalan: thannede.

Now, wait a second before you smile or smirk; it seems that the well-wisher and I made a jackass of ourselves deciding to publish this post. Why?? Because there’s indeed a National Auto Sport Association in reality. I googled for it a little while ago before publishing this post, just to be sure, and found this in Wikipedia. And that's my first reverse blooper; bang, bang, boomeranged!!

P.S. What can I say about AutoBalan? Respect man, respect!!

Eight Random Facts: Yet Another Tag

I got tagged by Ganesh. The tag is pretty boring but since I’ve nothing else to blog now, I’ll do it anyway.

Rules:
1. Each player starts with 8 random facts about themselves.
2. People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
3. At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names.
4. If you fail to do this within eight hours, you will not reach Third Series or attain your most precious goals for at least two more lifetimes.

I don't care if I don't reach third series or attain my most precious goals because I don't have any. Anyway here goes my shot:  

Disclaimer: All the true things I’m about to tell are shameless lies.

1. I was a perfectionist till my 12th grade; had precise timings for doing all my chores and kept my room real clean with each object having specific positions. And after entering college, I became a lousy couch potato.

2. I’m a remote control abuser; I keep on changing channels on TV and people tend to get really irritated with that.

3. I love to take long walks at dusk.

4. I know this sounds weird but I’ve seen this same dream about 4 or 5 times when I was really young. There was a Rubik’s Cube on a table and it slowly moves to the edge and finally falls on to the floor; And before the cube hits the floor, I wake up.

5. I don’t think I’ve a rigid personality. It keeps changing from time to time; so different people have different perceptions about me.

6. I’m selfish.

7. I usually like the villains in movies than the heroes.

8. Do you have problems in life? If you do, I don’t give a rat’s ass, coz I’ve got my own.

And the tag is passed on to Karthik, Rakesh, Syam, Rohit, Kishore, Anjali, Deepti and Mathew. Some of these bloggers might have already taken up the tag, if so, ignore this one.

Botsu's Technical Glitches

Botsu seems to be making headlines these days; a good amount of my blog space has been taken by his tales of goof-ups including this, this and this. Here’s another small one to add to the repertoire. Botsu had borrowed a USB flash drive (pen drive) from KP consisting of some utility softwares, games and stuff. All excited about the new games and softwares, Botsu plugs the USB stick into his system. Zap!!! The computer turned OFF!! Realizing that the USB stick contained some highly malicious Virus, Botsu in a fit of rage phoned KP.

Botsu: You bloody crook!! Your stupid pen drive caused my system to be inoperative.
KP: What happened??
Botsu: Nothing happened; my computer just became defective, dumbo!!
KP: Hmm, maybe the pen drive contained some Virus or Trojans.
Botsu: Maybe???
KP: But at least you should be able to access Windows. Maybe there is a hardware problem. You take out the RAM and plug it into another slot.
Botsu: Ok, let me see.

No use. Still not working. Again, Botsu phoned KP.

KP: Clean the mother board.
No use.
KP: Take out the hard drive and plug it again.
No use.
KP: Take out the buses and clean it.
No use.
KP: Maybe you should give it for servicing.
Botsu: And you’re going to pay for it.

Another altercation springs up. As soon as Botsu hung up the phone, the computer starts working. Puzzled, Botsu gets out of his room and hears his dad mumbling something.

Botsu’s Dad: Power failures are becoming such a menace now-a-days.
Botsu: !!!!!!!

P.S. The bugger doesn’t use a UPS.
P.P.S. Next day, KP lashed out a series of verbal abuses and Botsu had to patiently listen to all of that. 

AutoTom's Take On Hindi

AutoTom is Botsu’s neighbor who’s doing Automobile engineering in our college. Once AutoTom went to VSSC with his project-mates for some purpose concerning his final year project. The security in VSSC is very stringent and they do not allow any paraphernalia to be taken with the students inside their campus. There was this North Indian guard by the gates who gave some instructions to AutoTom and his gang.

Guard: Bags "chair ke" ooper rakho.
AutoTom (turning towards his batch-mates): Paranjathu keettile, ellaarum bags "cheerthu" vekkede.
Batch-mates: !!!!
Guard: !!!!

Moral of the Story: Birds of the same region make similar bloopers (and that’s a blindingly obvious reference to Botsu).

Botsu's Infatuations

Botsu fell in love with this girl, the first time he saw her. But that’s not the first time he fell in love. He had been falling and falling since aeons ago. The current girl is a fresher in college and is in the same bus stop as Botsu’s. According to Botsu there is something mysterious about her; an aura of enigma surrounds her which seems to captivate the deepest recesses of his heart -- that’s what Botsu says, to be specific. So for name sake let’s call her “The Mystery girl” or “M-girl”. The problem with Botsu is that he blatantly ogles at girls and keeps on ogling even if they start noticing it. So I think it was pretty obvious for M-girl to realize that she was the cynosure of Botsu’s eyes. M-girl is in the same engineering branch as ours and Botsu has been waiting for a perfect opportunity to strike a conversation with her.

Scenario: M.G road at Statue junction on a busy Monday evening after college

The traffic signal was red and Botsu is crossing the road. He turns back and sees M-girl behind him. Botsu seems very much surprised and excited and suddenly strikes a conversation with her. The dialogues are as follows but I can almost imagine what’s going on in their minds which are given in italics.

Botsu: Hai, you know me right? I’m in your same bus stop. (Yo babe, haven’t you seen this 6 foot handsome macho man, you bet)
M-girl: Errr, haven’t noticed. (Of course I know you; you are the bloody loafer who keeps on staring at me)
Botsu: (Thud!! Slap on the face. Need to hang on) That’s ok. Well, I’m in S8 Electronics. Do you need any text books for the 1st semester??
M-girl: No, I have got them all. (I know what your intentions are, Mr. Senior)
Botsu: You might need S3 books. (Don’t give up, go on)
M-girl: I got that too. (I’m not falling for this you loafer)
Botsu: What about S4 books?? (Stay on, stay on; shouldn’t waste this golden opportunity)
M-girl: I have it. (Man, this guy is really persistent)
Botsu: S5 books?? (I can do this forever)
M-girl: Let me see, I’ll tell you. (He’s a psycho; Must get out of here as soon as possible)
Botsu: Okay, that’s perfect. (Finally!! Eureka!! Success!!)
M-girl: Ok, bye. (Phew!!)
Botsu: Bye, will see ya! (Tata, bye bye, sweet dreams, take care)

And the girl walks away. The signal turns green and Botsu is still in his dream world. The vehicles keep honking and drivers start shouting at Botsu while he hypnotically walks to the other side of the road.

P.S. Next day, Botsu was seen begging for S5 text books from his class mates. Let’s see what happens next.

Chottu's Checkup Ordeal

Chottu is a health conscious guy. He does regular exercises in his terrace (topless of course; to seksually attract the girls walking by the road), acrobatics (while climbing the wall of his neighbor’s compound who apparently has a beautiful daughter) and marathon races (when the neighbor dad catches him by the collar when he sneaks up into his compound). Now Chottu had the perfect opportunity to prove to all the girls in our college that he was really a healthy guy with a perfect body who should be the object of any girl’s wildest fantasies. Those who were recruited by XYZ Corp had to undergo a medical checkup at DDRC last week. The checkup included blood test (to test for HIV I guess, XYZ Corp doesn’t want the employees spreading AIDS in their offices), ECG (to know whether our hearts will be able to brave the long insane unearthly working hours), ultra sound scan (to check whether our internal organs can function properly without any intake of food while working continuously), urine test (to test whether our kidneys function properly so that they can later sell it in case of debts), dental checkup (for checking whether there’ll be any difficulty giving French kisses), eye examination (to check if we can see chicks at a distance while working; anyone who passes this test will be rejected). Now Chottu was all pumped up and geared for the medical checkup. The reporting time at DDRC was 7.AM. Chottu after his stint with dumb bells and push ups started drinking gallons of water for the urinalysis (which was the first test). We reached there on time and waited for the test. Meanwhile pressure has been building up on Chottu’s bladder. 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes and still his name hasn’t been called. Realizing that he couldn’t control anymore, Chottu ran to the nurse asking her to give the bottle for taking urine but the nurse unsympathetically refuses and tells him to wait in the queue. That made Chottu get on his nerves and he started an altercation with the nurse; but the obdurate nurse doesn’t accede to it. A frustrated Chottu finally ran to the toilet and got relieved. Problem is that now his bladder is empty and it might take another gallon of water and 30 minutes for his test. So Chottu is back to the queue. Frustrated, Chottu starts drinking water like he haven’t seen it before and gets all pumped up again. Again his bladder starts troubling him, but he just got on time with the test. This time Chottu is all excited and runs to the toilet. He returns back relieved but the bottle seems to be missing.

Chottu: Athe sisteree, njaan sambavam pettennu cheythoondirunnappam bottle toilet inte akathu pooyi. Veere bottle tharaamo.

An irate nurse refuses to Chottu’s pleas and tells him to go back to the queue. After another unsuccessful altercation with the nurse, Chottu exasperatedly goes back to the queue which was quite long by now. At last he got the perfect timing with the bladder pressure coinciding with his turn for the test. A gleeful Chottu returned back and then we went for the remaining checkups. After finishing all of that by noon, we came back to collect our results and also to undergo a physical checkup. Guess what? Chottu’s urine sample missing!! Chottu is literally pissed off by now and starts pulling his hair and banging his head on the wall. Well, then he appeared for the physical test which showed a very high BP (unsurprisingly, due to all the tribulations he had been in just before). Chottu’s hopes and dreams about being the very-healthy-with-perfect-body-and-high-libido-guy is all now crumbled into shambles. Girls, please don’t lose your interest in Chottu just because of a high BP.

The Maiden Tag

I have been tagged by Karthik. The tag comprises 30 trivial questions. Here’s my shot at it.

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER:
“Race”. It was worth the money though the plot was unrealistic. The film was replete with crosses, double crosses, triple crosses, quadruple crosses and double quadruple crosses interspersed with untimely songs. Anyway I liked it because the film had a fast pace with no unnecessary dragging and it was a breath of fresh air from the contemporary Hindi movies that had corny dialogues and slapstick comedies.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
None.

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
I haven’t played much as to brand anything as my favorite. Chess and scrabbles can be counted in.

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
Readers Digest. Does Hustler count?? 

5. FAVORITE SMELLS?
I think this sounds absurd but I used to smell the pages of any newly bought book. No favorite smell in particular.

6. FAVORITE SOUND?
Voice of any girl who pronounces the syllables in my name, in a sexy way.

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
When you spend the whole night studying for the next day’s exam and hearing that you have been studying the wrong subject, the next morning.

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE?
Darn, shouldn’t have drunk that much. Now, which of my girlfriend’s bedroom is this? Hmm, should be Teena’s. Wait, it’s Jen’s. No, it’s Nicole’s. Aargh!!

9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
Does thattukadas count?? Anyway, I’m not a fast food junkie.

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Depends on the nationality of the girl I’ll be marrying.
Russian: Lavrenty(m)/Lyubochka(f)
Italian: Antonello(m)/Annunziata(f)
Spanish: Eusebio(m)/Esmeralda(f)
But I doubt whether my Irish girlfriend will allow me to marry any other girl.

11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I’D...?
Gamble all my money on the Indian hockey team and bet that they would lose. I’ll be double rich after the game.

12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?
I hate driving. The ruthless traffic and hopeless roads of Trivandrum has made driving a nightmarish experience for me.

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
No, I sleep with Salma Hayek.

14. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY?
Scary. Because I haven’t experienced any. Would like to feel how it would be.

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
Haven’t had any; I’m still a student, boss. But the first car in our family was a Maruti 800 bought in 1991. We used it for 14 years.

16. FAVORITE DRINK?
Lime Soda.

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD"
This is an irrelevant question; I already have lots of time and that's why I'm doing this tag.

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?
Yes, I do.

19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?
I find it despicable to dye hair. I’m pretty satisfied with my hair colour.

20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.
Trivandrum (1986-87), Thodupuzha (1987-89), Aachen (1989-90), Trivandrum (1990-present).

21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Cricket, MotoGP and Female Wrestling!! The ideal sport to watch will be a violent cat fight between Monica Belluci and Salma Hayek to decide who shall "service" me.

 22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU
Very generous. He bought me a samosa and chocolate sharjah when he came to Trivandrum. Nice chetan, hehe.

23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Cockroaches, lizards and spiders!! It’s been a while since I’ve ventured down there.

24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?
Yes and No. I don’t have a clear answer.

25. MORNING PERSON OR NIGHT OWL?
I used to be a morning lark. Now I’m mostly noctural. But I’m flexible enough to be either of them.

26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?
Over easy. I like it when eggs are mixed with onions and green chilis.

27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?
Beach during sunset. Love to gaze at the sun going down the horizon.

28. FAVORITE PIE?
Haven’t eaten any so far.

29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Any flavor will do. But the most I’ve consumed might be chocolate.

30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
No idea.

And this tag is passed on to:
Ganesh, Rohit and Kishore.