Taggedelic!

I’ve been tagged by Belt Mathai. Don’t you know Belt Mathai, the rowdy who was banished to Hamburg by the locals in Trivandrum for brandishing a Malappuram kathi and coercing poor souls to gobble down the experimental food he concocts. The fed up authorities sent him to Hamburg in hopes that he’ll re-invent his culinary skills and boy! look what happened. Not only he metamorphosed into a master chef but he also started a cooking blog, which seems to be a hit with the gourmets and gormandizers alike; plus he started another blog where he concocts rib tickling posts and this seems to be a hit with the humour loving mortals of blogosphere as well. 

The tag says I’ve to write 10 honest things about myself and then pass it on to 7 other bloggers. Actually I don’t mind talking about myself (there isn’t much anyway), but I don’t want to bore anyone with it (which I’m sure you will be). So I, for one, would not even contemplate blaming if you’ve thoughts of skipping this one.  

Here goes the tag: 

(1) In a class, the first benchers and last benchers are the popular lot, the former for their academic studiousness and the latter for their pranks and mischievousness. I belonged to the breed of those pedestrian mid benchers whom no one would even barely notice (for most of my school and college life). We were like almost non-existent in class. I still remember the first time I tried to talk to Jes, my neighbor plus my classmate in college - about 2 months after we entered college, one fine evening, en route to home, I caught up with her and tried to spark up a conversation.

Me: Hi Jes, I heard there’ll be strike in college tomorrow. 
Jes (with a quizzical look): Are you in my college?
Me (completely taken aback; ego shattered; self esteem humbled): I’m in your class! 
Jes: Oh I see. Don’t remember seeing you in class. 
Me: I think it’s high time you start wearing specs. 
Jes: Where do you sit in class?
Me: Somewhere in the middle.
Jes: Aah. That’s why. 

(2) I was a fan of Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew and Goosebumps when in school. In fact, those were the widely available books in our library then. I guess there’s hardly any Loyolite in my generation who hasn’t read Hardy Boys. 

(3) I hardly had any friends until 6th grade or so. Then came Abe and Rohit. Abe who was a lil stout and I who was skinny, were known as Laurel and Hardy in class. 

(4) I like lolcats. (Don’t think that just because I like lolcats I’m a sweet lil childish boy; my knuckles are fucking hard you know; better keep that in mind.)

(5) My handwriting is really small. And I never drew margins in my notebooks. 

(6) I occasionally make lemon tea, keep it in fridge and drink it at midnight; a habit that developed recently.

(7) I like jokes with sexual innuendos but not downright dirty ones.  

(8) I like Stanley Kubrick, Padmarajan and Siddique-Lal movies. And my favorite actor is Sreenivasan. 

(9) Jes says I’m mentally backward; I said she’s dentally forward. KP says I’m nuts; I said he’s balls. Chottu says I’m pig; I said he’s chicken (a.k.a. kozhi or poovalan in Malayalam).

(10) I don’t have any spectacular hobbies, just some usual reading and movies stuff. So when I used to attend job interviews during placements in college, I used to bluff that I had a crystal collection. I would study all about crystals - different types, properties, color, texture, uses et al. Then in interviews I’d mention my hobby and the interviewers invariably asked about it and at this point I’d route the interview in my direction. This technique always proved successful with zero failure. (I’m least interested in crystals but even if they asked to show the collection, I wouldn’t falter, coz I know a person who really has a crystal collection – my dad) 

Ok that's it. Now you can wake up from your half sleep state. :|

I tag Praveen, Philip, Hari, Sakeeb, Jane, Thoorika & Devil incarnate. Hey I don’t want the tag to be a burden to anyone and it’s completely your discretion to do it. No hard feelings if you want to skip the tag.  :) 

Don’t try to teach the pope how to make the sign of the cross

I’ve written 59 posts so far in this blog out of which 25 are labeled ‘character assassination’. Now you might think why I’m such a callous and merciless Mephistopheles in flesh and blood when it comes to mocking my friends and pulling their legs. But I was molded like this by my very own friends; and believe me, I’ve been at the receiving end more times than you can ever imagine. So you see, I’m a product of my circumstances; thanks to school and college buddies; been a victim of innumerous pranks and mockery over the years; and pretty much seasoned by now. Now why I told you all these is coz I received an sms last night. It said, 

“Hi Thomas. How are you? I don’t know how to say this to you in person, hence this message. I really like you. It’s been a while since I’ve been noticing you and I’ve a feeling that you’re the perfect guy for me.”

Don’t ask me why but this message doesn’t look girlish, not by a long shot. 

The following exchange of sms ensued:

(Hum is me and Tum is the person at the other end)

Hum: April fool was yesterday. You missed the date buddy. Well who’s this? 

Tum: Today is April 2nd and this is real ok. I’m a secret admirer. Had to sweat out a lot to get your mobile number.  

Hum: Interesting.

Tum: I saw you yesterday waiting at the bus stop. The white shirt with black stripes really suits you. I liked that.

Hum: Oh really. What else do you like?

Tum: I like your smile. 

Hum: That’s funny.

Tum: Funny man, you want to meet me? 

Hum: You think I’m that desperate and lonely to meet people? Nice. 

Tum: If you don’t want, ok then.

Hum: Ok, have a nice day.

Tum: It seems you’re not as nice as I thought you were.

Hum: Well, appearances can be deceptive. 

Tum: It was my mistake to even think about contacting you. Anyway thanks for the warm response. Bye. 

Hum: No mention please. BuBye.

*End of conversation*

Now I called Navy to check whether he knows anyone with this mobile number.

“Any idea whose number this is?”

“Let me check my contacts”

“Make it fast”

“Man where did you get this number from? This is a girl named Riya. She is in my class at TIME. Stays near your house I suppose”

(Impossible! Considering that the dude is an incorrigible liar when it comes to girl issues, I can never take his words at face value.) 

“Hmm ok”

“Why?”

“Nothing, see you tomorrow. Bye”

“Ok bye”

After a while I just casually browsed my call-log in mobile to see if I received any call from this number. Down down down………..Bingo!

March 28th, 11:50 AM……….The same number. Now where was I on that hot sweltering Saturday noon? Bank! Yes, bank. And who called me at that time? Who? Who called me asking whether I’m coming for movie that evening? Who changed his SIM 2 weeks back? Who hasn’t shaved in 3 weeks?  

One name – Abhi! One and only Abhi! 

Well well well. All the equations are solved and the values to the variables are found. Trying to be the bloody prankmaster huh. Playing with me? Well you think a guy can come like   *snap*   that trying to fool me and walk away unharmed? No, there are consequences to be faced. There’s blood to be shed. 

Next day, I publicized all the messages that he sent me. Bang! Abhi got showered with a plethora of nicknames on a single day. Some samples:

1. Brokeback Kuttappan
2. Homo kallan 
3. Daffodils (If anyone ‘members the lines of the poem ‘The Daffodils’ -- “A poet could not but be ‘gay’, in such a jocund company”)

Now whenever we pass by Abhi, we say,

“Don’t look at us like that. We’re not that type. Beat it”

And as for Navy who conspired in this failed scheme (Navy and Abhi stays in the same rented house; that explains his involvement), it seems he still hasn’t learned his lesson from this. But take heart, I’m there naa, lessons will be taught. Soon. Very soon. (What can I do if people don’t allow me to be a good boy)

So buddies, behave nice with me.