Power saver, thy name is thomman!

The one good effect this city had upon me was that it made me appreciate the value of electricity. The frequent power cuts made me realize how much energy deprived of a nation we are. Sleep one night in this city without electricity and you’ll understand what I’m saying; forget the heat and humidity, it's the mosquitoes that are unbearable. Come to think of it, the mosquitoes in my house which fucked me thoroughly at nights for ages might have become a healthy, energetic lot by now. So you see, I’m not the kind of person who is comfortable seeing electricity wasted unnecessarily. And I almost always switch off lights and fans while leaving any place; uses my mobile in power saving mode; lectures friends and relatives about the importance of saving power etc etc. And last day, I even lectured my dad seeing that he was reading newspaper while the TV was ON. Midway through while I was giving my lecture, mom comes to me and says, “Ahem, one minute, could you please come with me”, and takes me to my room. To my utter disgust and chagrin, the lamp in my room was shining brightly. Now there are times when you wish you could just fade away into thin air, and this was definitely one of those. Five seconds after staring straight into my mom’s face (which sported a pursed lip by now), the light bulb inside my brain got switched ON and shone with mighty glory. 

“You know mom, when a fluorescent lamp is switched ON, the choke acts as a step up autotransformer to increase the voltage and a high current flows through it. So if I had switched the lamp off, and then came back after a minute and turned it ON, then it would have had consumed more energy than if the lamp was working for that time. And I was just about to go back to my room. So technically speaking, I SAVED ENERGY!!”

Background music sets in while I continue,

“And by the way, chemistry people haven’t grown yet to play the game with electronics studs” (my mom is a PhD in chemistry).

Background music reaches its crescendo while I walked away in slow motion with head held high (visualize that Suresh Gopi scene in ‘Commissioner’) and giving a smug look to an agape mom. Yes, I’m impossible, totally!

Well I think my rebounding and the subsequent fiery speeches left a tinge of revenge in her mind, which was evidenced by the way she started giving me advices. But, this man will not take any beatings, quick rejoinders are to be given to stay put in this house.

Mom: Why don’t you switch that computer off and reduce power. It’ll be better for your eyes too. 
Me: Not an option. Why don’t you reduce your washing machine usage and save power? You can wash by hands and get exercise which will be better for your health too. 
Mom: Not an option. Why don’t you reduce your television usage to save power?
Me: Not an option. Why don’t you reduce your microwave oven usage to save power?
Mom: Not an option. Why don’t you reduce your music system usage to save power?
Me: Not an option. Why don’t you reduce your mixie usage to save power?
Mom (pauses for a second): Ok. No problem. Eat idli sans chutney tomorrow morning. 
Me: (Uh oh) umm errr aaa (drats!)
Mom: And there’s no sugar. So eat raw idli. 
Me: (double drats!!)

Revenge, thy name is woman. 

Road Rash

People don’t understand how important it is to reduce air pollution. And people don’t understand how critical the rate of road accidents in India is; perhaps much much more than the mortality rate of any fatal disease. And they don’t realize how efficient our public transportation is; tardiness is an unheard word perhaps. Okay, the last point may be a bit of an exaggerated falsify; but don’t you people get the point. I might be praising myself a bit, but I’ve to say that I’m an ideal citizen who strives for the betterment of this land. I almost always rely on public transportation; and with good reason. I’m fighting to stall climate change; helping to reduce carbon monoxide emission; trying to preserve fuel; providing to the revenue of public transport; you see the things I'm doing!. Also think about the added advantages – I can relax and sit back in the bus and watch the chicks by the sidewalks; enjoy the nature; feel the breeze et al; and everything without having to worry about changing the gear or turning the indicator ON. So you see...............alright alright...........I hate driving.........but it’s the reckless traffic of this country that’s been...........okay fine, I’m a terrible driver. Happy now? 

Now how I got the driving license is a different story in itself. Why I took it is another story; and which may be partly because showing your passport as an identity proof is, trust me, a pretty embarrassing thing (Voters card is an entirely different thing altogether with all those spelling mistakes and the consequent hassles in trying to convince the authorities that I’m not a Greek Tomasi Sabastyani but a Nasrani Thomas Sebastian.) 

So last day I took my dusty driving license from some cobwebbed corner of my room.
The reason: I decided to drive my family to church. 
Why?: Coz it was a Friday late night mass at church. 
So?: The traffic on the road will hopefully be very less. 
HA!

Now whenever I drive, my parents go into a tizzy. See some excerpts from en route to church:

Dad: Turn left, turn left; Indicator you idiot, indicator, fast! 
Mom: slow!
Dad: Now 3rd gear; fast fast!!
Mom: slow! 
Me: Whaaaa

Dad: Just hit the pedal you idiot!
Mom: Don’t yell at him, it’s making him nervous. Go slow Thommu.
Dad: No no, don’t listen to her you idiot. Don’t slow, this is highway! 

An angry biker (yelling): Which idiot taught you to drive?!
Me: Dad, I think he called you an idiot.
Dad: Shut up and drive!!

Dad: Left left, keep left!
Mom: Right right!
Me: Whaaa?!!
Mom: Right turn from here I mean. 
Me: (eethu neerathaano ee kuntham oodikkaan thoonniye)

Finally after a lot of tussles and scuffles with the different equipments of the car, I managed to land at the destination. And while everyone got out and headed for the church (me with a sweat soaked shirt though), I noticed that my 15 year old sister was all placid and unperturbed. I went up to her and said,

“I’m glad atleast you had faith in my driving. You didn’t scream or yell at me. High Five Sis”

And I raised my hand for a high five when all of a sudden she quipped, 

“Actually I was praying”

Me: For what?

Sis: I was praying to Lord that “IF” I ever reach the church, I would light a 100 candles and chant ‘Hail Mary’ a 1000 times. 

Me: !!

Sis: Oh, and I originally planned to pray for getting good marks in exams. But no, I’m very much grateful that I can now ‘at least’ appear for my exams. 

Me: blink blink