Sophisticated Sophistry??

It’s interesting, you know. How advertisements can influence you. It’s even more interesting how ads can change your perceptions. Like, for instance, ‘Fair & Lovely’ implicitly tells you how “Black is not beautiful” and how being fair boosts your confidence and makes you likable among people. 

The class after the noon-break was pretty boring. In fact, every class became boring then. I was trying hard to control the tug-of-war between my nose and eyebrow, each trying to pull the eyes towards itself. Considering that the 10th standard Board exams were nearing I should’ve been concentrating on the trigonometric ratios of complimentary and supplementary angles, that was written on the blackboard. 

The general public, that includes me, tend to believe everything in print and video. The internet connection that I’m using says it gives me a speed ‘up to’ 2 Mbps. I wish I get at least a tenth of that speed. The use of ‘up to’ in their ads might protect them legally while giving me false hopes. Another ad in the paper today – “Speak English fluently in 15 days”. Really??

Maths was always an insipid subject for me. Nothing to imagine; nothing to visualize. You just scribble numbers on your note (Being an engineer now, that’s the most blasphemous thing I could say). It was unusual, but Rohit was keenly taking notes in the Maths class. I peeked over his notebook only to find FLAMES being played. For the uninitiated, FLAMES is a stupid method by which you check your compatibility with a girl by doing some calculations with your names. You get one of the 6 letters as a result of the method, which describes your possible relationship with her -- (F)riend, (L)ove, (A)ffection, (M)arriage, (E)nemy, (S)ex. Rohit blurted out a ‘yay’ with his fist raised as he got ‘S’ with the name Tina. 

The housing loan dad took from a particular bank, which offered an interest rate of 7.5%, shot up 2% within just one year and has been ‘shooting up’ ever since. Now it’s a 14% but fortunately he could pay up and finish it off without further damage before the rate hit the stratosphere. 

Maths class is perhaps the best class for the nerds in the first bench to show that they’re really big fat nerds. For Rohit, my perennial bench mate, and I, marks come our way with the frequency of miracles when it comes to Maths exams. 

Who’re the biggest gullible toads here? No brainer. It’s the group with a little knowledge (which is a dangerous thing, as the clichéd saying goes) and a truckload of ignorance. The group is christened by the name ‘teenagers’. It was heart-rending for me to realize that Complan couldn’t make me a six footer, Maltova couldn’t get me a 1st rank in class, Jockey underwear couldn’t get me girls in my bedroom or neither could Axe deo get a dozen girls sniffing me, for that matter. 

It seems that Rohit almost finished his ink writing all the names of girls in the city. He has been shaking his fountain pen for quite some time and as I expected, the bugger spilt ink all over the desk. He gave me a dirty grin and took out his handkerchief to wipe the ink when all of a sudden, Tim, the dude in our front bench, turned back and gave an unsolicited advice to Rohit,

“Hey, why are you ruining your kerchief? Why don’t you use something like ‘Whisper’?”

At first we thought he was joking, but he wasn’t!!!

The most misleading thing for young boys, especially the young boys in a boys-only Jesuit school, is perhaps the sanitary napkin ads in which blue ink is poured on two pads as a metaphor for, you know what. Perhaps, they could’ve used the term ‘menstrual pad’ instead of the more euphemistic ‘sanitary napkin’.

We clutched our laughter hearing the ‘whisper’ing fallacies of Tim, and asked, 

“So, you use ‘Whisper’ regularly for wiping ink?”

“Not always, but mom has got a pack of ‘em at home for that purpose!”

We couldn’t control anymore and burst out guffawing insanely. We never thought Tim, who was our Biology teacher’s pet, could say such a wonderful thing. Man, it was priceless to see his face when we were laughing our hearts out.

“Thomas!! Rohit!! Both of you stand up. Now get out of my class!!!”

Drats! We should’ve realized it was Philipose Sir’s class. Contrary to the old adage, laughter is not the best medicine; at least not in Maths class.

As I browsed through my inbox, I saw this email ad titled “Low cost pheromones to attract females”. I smiled as I remembered that Maths class 7 years back.