A Killer of a Different Kind

Beware! Beware! He’s coming, he’s coming! His flashing eyes, his gaping mouth! Weave a circle around him thrice and close your eyes with holy dread, coz you know not when he’s in for the kill!

Men are said to have different kind of obsessions and weaknesses. Some are obsessed with money, some with women; and these constitute the majority. And there is a minority group (correct me if I’m wrong) that are heavily obsessed with something else. They might be your closest pals; will help you in whatever situation you are; shares books, notes, clothes, money, food, Whoa!! Whoa!! Wait a second. No, not food. Impossible! Yes, the third category of men are those obsessed with, you know what, food!! Such is one of my friends. Let’s call him Cereal Killer (CK). 

Economists say that the food crisis of the world is due to factors such as rising oil prices, falling world food stockpiles, unseasonable draughts, commodity market speculation, climate changes et al. Bush says it's due to the increasing food consumption in India. Bingo! And I know who makes India's food consumption graph rise into the stratosphere. Yeah, I know! I might be overstating the obvious but I can’t help it. Cereal Killer’s obsession for food is known far and wide in our city. The people who feared him the most were the hotel owners near our college. As soon as they see him striding towards the hotel, the owners start yelling out,

“Quick, pull down the shutters fellas, that road rodent is coming”

“But boss, he can be our biggest source of income”

“Listen up man, that glutton orders meals; extra servings of rice and curry don’t cost more and that scumbag utilizes that to the maximum”

“But boss, that should be no problem, we’ve enough stock to feed him 2 to 3 servings”

“Shut up you idiot, I’m not talking about his appetizers”

“!!!!”

I wouldn’t have written this post but I was so incensed by what happened today that I decided it’s high time to do something about it. I’m pretty sure CK will be reading this post and might probably arrange some goondas to annihilate me and some hackers to destroy my blog, but you know, I’m willing to take the risk. 

Today evening, CK took me to a nice hotel to give me that long pending treat. Ok, let me cut short everything and come to the point. There was a total of 4 chicken pieces. While I just finished my 1st piece of chicken, CK consumed his quota of 2. Naturally, the one left belongs to me (Oh come on, though he’s paying the bill, he’s the host; it’s his treat for Pete’s sake!!). Fatso has been eyeing that one piece for quite sometime. His intermittent glances towards me and that piece said it all. All of a sudden,

“So Thomas, you don’t want that chicken piece eh?”

“Ya, I want” 

And I lifted my hand to pick it up. I blinked my eyes for a split second. Gone!! The chicken is gone!! Is this what they call ‘sleight of hand’? I looked at CK. He burped. I fumed. 

I now understand why his mom and dad are so lean and he’s so stout. Man, I can almost visualize the scenario in his home.

Dad: Quick honey, that voracious animal of our son is coming, hide all the food! 
Mom: No use, he smells food like a Bloodhound. 
Pet cat: (Must hide cat food, or else I’ll starve today)

CK: Chicken!! I smell chicken!!
Dad: Errr, no son, there’s nothing of that sort in here. Maybe the neighbors are cooking chicken.
CK: Nonsense! My nose never lies to me. What’s it that you’re hiding, gimme that!!

*Chomp* *Chomp**Chomp*

Dad: At least, he didn’t take my roasted beef. I’ll whip his ass if he lay his hands on my beef.
Mom (as if a cue from behind): Correction. There’s no ‘if’.