Strip Tease

Disclaimer: No habits, hobbies or characteristics of the primitive, innocent, young version of the protagonist is carried over to his advanced, sophisticated, grown up version. (Or so I think!) 

There’re certain things you don’t want to talk about your past. But sometimes the past claws its way out; for instance when old friends meet together and start picking up and mocking poor souls. It was during one of those sessions with mom’s old friends that I learned something about my horrible past. I don’t remember anything about it and is mostly as described by mom and hence the authenticity of this post is not verifiable. 

Nineteen years back, when I was 3 years old, dad was doing his post-doc in Aachen and mom was doing her PhD in Paris. I stayed with my dad, and mom used to visit us on weekends when we often used to go to our friends’ places for dinner. Now I had this habit of picking up small toys and articles whenever I visit any place. In Malayalam we call it ‘pokkufying’ or ‘isking’. Alright alright, I used to steal. Happy now? Mom and dad were amazed by the rate at which my toys, which they never bought, kept increasing at an exponential rate; but they thought it might be the presents from my friends or something. Until one day, they found out the truth, while visiting dad’s professor. When we were just about leaving, the professor asked me,

“Why are you walking in a clumsy way? Is there anything wrong with your leg?”

Mom removed my shoe and to their shock and dismay, found a small toy car inside my shoe. Dad’s entire future depended on the professor and there was me, his innocent guileless son, robbing his professor’s possessions. Mom and dad squirmed with embarrassment and shame, I’m told. From then on, mom was extremely cautious when we visit any friends, and to make sure I haven’t done any egregious acts of turpitude, she used to strip me naked before leaving their places, and search whether I’ve ‘isked’ anything off her friends. 

Once, before leaving this friend’s house after dinner, mom as usual stripped me, searched my whole body and made sure I haven’t ‘pokkufied’ anything from there. On reaching home, she stripped me again to change my clothes. I smiled at her, lifted my hand and opened my palm. There was a small wooden elephant inside my palm. 

*mom bangs her head on the wall*

Myth: Parents are too intelligent for their kids.
Fact: Parents ‘think’ they are too intelligent for their kids.