A few more

Sometime during last August I was preparing for gre and I used to go to the library, where there were some guys preparing for cat, and I soon became acquainted with them. Some incidents during that time –

There was this Vineeth's friend who bought a brand new mobile phone with a 3 MP camera. But to his dismay the pictures taken are all blurred. Incensed at this he takes the mobile to the shop to get it repaired...........Turns out he hadn't removed the sticker in front of the cam.

Unni was a self-proclaimed painter. Once he sketches a person and comes to us and asks how it is.
Vineeth: Adipoli, Heath Ledger kidilam aayirikkunnu.
Shocked and disappointed, Unni turns to me and asks, “ithu aarane enne ninakke thonnunnu?
Me: Undertaker? 
Unni desp. Only later we learned he had actually drawn Emma Watson.

Appu, Unni & Vineeth goes to this rundown, seedy restaurant for lunch; it was the only one nearby. Careful in what they ate, they ordered rice. Pakshe Appuvine athonnum pora. Avane porottayum chicken curryum venam. But avide ini 2 porottas matrame baakki olloo, Appuvine 3 venam. So the boy after a while gives him a 3rd one. Hours later, Appuvine kadinamaya vayaru vedana. Our reckoning – Boy goes to kitchen, and waste basketil kidanna oru porotta eduthe Appuvine koduthu.

Nambi and I went to college to collect LORs, transcripts and other application-related stuff; it's been a long while since we had stepped into college. After collecting the documents from staff adviser, she asks Nambi, “Aa irikkunna teachere okke ormayundo”. Nambi replies, “Pinne, enne 4 semesters padippicha teacher alle, marakkan pattumo”, ennitte oru ilinja chiriyum chiriche avidunne skoot aayi. Kurachu kazhinje he asks me, “Eda aa teacherude peere enthayirunnu”, and I says her name. Nambi – “Njaan vere oru peeranennanu vichariche. Njaan pereduthu parayanjathu bhaagyam. Allarunnenkil chammi poyene”. 

Nambi takes me in his bike to drop me off at the bus stop. Bus stop-ile pennungale kaanumbam avane ichiri ilakkam koodunnathaanu. Bike oru prithyeeka style-il saamanyam nalla speedil avan bus stop-inte mumbil valachu chutti kondu nirthaan nokki. Pakshe avide kurachu manal kidannathu kaaranam bike skid cheythu. Potho ennum paranje Nambiyum njaanum marinjadichu veenu. Bike-inte mirror potti. Nambiyude kai murinju. Ente kaal oranju. Aduthu ninna oru ammavan paranju “Ithe ivanmaarude sthiram paniyanu. Pennungal koodi nilkunna sthalathu bike kondu kore koprayam kanikkanayitte irangum raavile”. Aa keettathil enikke vishamamilla. Pakshe, kandu ninna pennungal adakki pidicha chiri chirikunnathu kande ente hridayam thakarnu. Alpamenkilum undayirunna maanavum poyi. Ennittum ithellaam kazhinje Nambi ente eduthe parayuvane, “aa black dress itta penkutti enne nokki chirichu, nee kandarunno?”. Athe ninne nokki chirichathalla, nee veezhunnathe kandu potti potti chirichathanu, ennu enikke avante eduthu parayanam ennundarunnu; pakshe enthu kondo njaan paranjilla. Maunam nadichu njaan angane irunnu. And to think that Nambi is going to attend Univ. of Southern California with all his antics and number-ukal is a joke in itself. Enthayalum Los Angeles-ile pennungalude heels inu kurachu naalathekku oru pani aayi. Nambiyude kavilinum.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S. Almost 7 months of wait after filling out application forms answering some very embarrassing questions such as what skills and knowledge do I have, finally I got admitted into some universities out of which I got a scholarship and tuition waiver to attend University of Houston, Texas. And as a cherry on top for me, my cousin and her family stays about a one hour drive from the university. As they say, like many other things in life, your options choose you sometimes, not vice versa.

Waiting for life to kick start once again. Hope the kick doesn't land on my teeth though. 

Sugary panic

So this aunt of mine came running frantically to my uncle seeking immediate medical help. Reason? She just discovered the cause of her high palpitation and other ailments. The cause? Astronomical blood sugar levels. How she knew? The gadget that checks sugar displayed 601 as her level. What uncle did? Checked the sugar level again. What went wrong before? Turns out she held the gadget upside down. The actual sugar level? 109. What uncle did? Fumed. What aunty did? Went to check her weight.

Hypochondriacs. I’m one too.

About shirking chores

One of our family friends had his nephew visiting his house last week. The nephew dude was a chap of about 12 years old and was kind of like me, in that he doesn’t do any chores in his house. Now, our family friend uncle had an ‘everyone-wash-their-own-plate’ policy in his house. So the family had their dinner and when the nephew dude was just about to get up, uncle asks him to wash his plate. He silently went to the kitchen, washed his plate sparkling clean, came back and sat next to uncle on the sofa. After a few seconds, he gently asks uncle,

“Uncle, where do I have to go to report about child labor?”

Warning: Kids, do not try this at home. You’d probably get a whip on your butt. ;)

P.S. I’ll be moving to Kochi to work on a research project at Cochin University, in about 2 weeks. So I’ll not be visiting this space that frequently thenceforth, and posts will mostly be sporadic. However, I’ll be home once every week, or at least every fortnight - Nah, not because I’ll be nostalgic or dying to see my family but due to the sole reason that I love my washing machine; know what I mean? Hehe, cheers!! 

Random Chat

What does a lazy, unemployed, penniless person do when he has free time? Oh yeah, that’s the only time he got - free that is- after swatting flies, reading comics, watching porn, eating junk food etc etc. And what if he doesn’t have that smart, charming personality that enables him to attract and socialize with people, especially with the fairer sex? What if he has only about 20 friends in orkut, 10 in facebook and 3 in messenger? Yeah, that’s when he discovered this site called ‘omegle’. For the uninitiated, this is a chat site where you are connected randomly with strangers. You just go to the site, click ‘connect’, and the next second you chat with some stranger. Whenever you don’t want to continue, you simply click ‘disconnect’ (For people like me, chances are that you’ll probably get disconnected from the other end most of the time). If you want to chat again, you just connect and you meet another random stranger. Here are some of the conversations that I had (No chat lasted for more than 5 minutes for me though):

You're now chatting with a random stranger.

Stranger: male/female?
You: Male. you?
Stranger: Male. Bye
You: bye.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: asl?
You: 23/m/almost the southern tip of a peninsula
Stranger: Too much information!!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: asl?
Stranger: What??
You: Fairer sex or the other one?
Stranger: I no sex!
You: Good for you

Are you sure you want to disconnect? *click* click*

Stranger: m/f?
You: m, you?
Stranger: male. I’m gay.

Are you sure you want to disconnect? *click* click*

You: asl?
Stranger: 20/f/India. You?
You: 23/m/almost the tip of a peninsula
Stranger: Where’re you from?
You: Let’s say I’ve Arabian Sea to my west, Bay of Bengal to my east and Indian Ocean to my south.
Stranger: Saudi Arabia?
You: Go and check your 5th grade geography text. Bye.

Are you sure you want to disconnect? *click* click*

You: asl?
Stranger: 48/m/White house, you?
You: 52/m/Afghan-Pak border

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: asl?
You: 23/m/India. You?
Stranger: 55/m/US
You: Hmm
Stranger: I’m horny.

Are you sure you want to disconnect? *click* click*

Stranger: Hi, I’m a hot and sexy brunette from Italy.
You: And I’m Zaphod Beeblebrox from Betelgeuse. How’s it going Earthling?
Stranger: Don’t be a douchebag like the last guy.
You: So the last guy also got fed up with you eh?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: What do you do for a living?
You: I work for the Irish Mafia.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: What did you major in college?
You: Electronics engineering.
Stranger: Bye
(So much for saying an honest answer, drats!)

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: Does your room have a window?
You: Oh yes, six big ones and one wide flung open.
Stranger: What do you see when you peek from it?
You: I see a shooting star! Oh wait, I see a burglar sneaking through my garden!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: Prove to me that you’re not a figment of my imagination
You: Oh, I’m actually a figment of your imagination. I don’t exist.
Stranger: Where’re you from?
You: From inside your mind.
Stranger: Yeah, so what do you feel like inside there?
You: Nothing. I feel void. Emptiness engulfs me.
Stranger: What do we do about it?
You: We need to put something called ‘brain’ in here.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Not a Guten Tag for someone

Many moons ago, that means so many moons ago, that means somewhere in the early 80s, which means before I even came into existence, my dad got a post doctoral scholarship in RWTH Aachen. Well, without knowing even the ABCD of German, he lands in Aachen and his professor arranges a temporary accommodation in a hotel. So he spends some time in the hotel and by evening decides to go for a walk around the city. Before he left the street where the hotel was, he carefully jotted down the name of the street, in case he got lost in the city.

So our protagonist enjoys the sightings and fountains and boulevards and cathedrals; oblivious as to how far he's away from the hotel; and keeps on walking admiring all the middle age style architecture.......until.....until it suddenly dawns on him that he has no idea where he is and absolutely no clue how to trace the way back. But our protagonist is a very cautious and proactive man; he had anticipated this predicament before he started out – he‘d written the name of the street, remember?? 

So he takes out the paper, goes to the man standing nearby and shows him the name of the street. The paper reads ‘Einbahnstraβe’. Dad tries to enunciate the name,

“Eyen – ban – straaabbe”

It’s actually pronounced ‘eyen-ban-strasse’. The man laughs. Some problem with the pronunciation, thought dad. So he next goes to a lady in the near vicinity, shows her the paper and gestures for directions (this time careful not to enunciate). Despite all that, the lady blinks and stares. Puzzled he is too, yes. He approaches several other people but the upshot is the same; people just give a perplexed stare, and some might blurt out a mild laugh. And finally one kind man explains to him what the real problem is. Turns out Einbahnstrasse is the German for ‘one-way road’. 

Epilogue

Fortunately, dad remembered that the hotel is near to the metro station and found out the route to reach the place. He never trusted street signs again.

P.S. I know you twisted bird brains might have expected some very embarrassing meaning for the word; maybe except for Belt Mathai, who the Germans are trying very hard to chuck out of their country right now; the govt. considers him to be a threat to the food security of the country, his neighbors think he's a source of noise pollution (read Mathai's singing in the shower) and the German chicks seem to be fed up of his constant ogling. God save the country.  ;) 

Catstatic!

The protagonists in this post are 3 of my feline overlords – Pachu, Chikku & Cuckoo. Pachu is big kitteh and Chikku & Cuckoo are tiny kittehs. 

Do u haz six packs? 

PJ kitteh cracks blonde jokes

Peeping tom kitteh ish very naughty

I hope it dushnt land on kitteh pr0n sites

Dush it tickle u?

Logo kitteh - ur doin it right!

Post inspired by http://icanhascheezburger.com/ (my kittehs’ favorite site!) 

Quips, Snaps, Beaches & Beer

During Easter holidays last month, four of us long lost college buddies, that is Chottu, KP, Rahul and I decided to meet up and it was agreed upon to spend the evening in Kovalam beach and have a beer. Chottu came after a long stint in A’medabad, Rahul after an all India trip, & KP and I, very much alive in Tvm. 

Some snippets of dialogues exchanged: 

Chottu dresses in an executive style, comes to pick me from my house in his bike,
Me: Enthu veeshamaade ithu? Inganayaano beachil pookunne?
Chottu: Entha, madaamma maarke ingane simple dress itta purushanmaare ishtamalle? Don’t they like? 

En route to KP’s house (where Rahul & KP will be waiting for us), Chottu observes the buildings and side walks,
Chottu: Tvm inu maattam enthenkilum sambavicho?
Me: Ninne poole ulla waste materials ividunnu pooyappam naadonnu clean aayi.

Chottu: Eda, yesterday I saw a girl; I think she studied with me in school. Aval thanne aano ival ennu enikkoru doubt. Pakshe, aval enne mind cheythathu poolum illa. Usually, girls enne eppozhum nookkunnathaanu; pakshe ival….
Me: Ninne mind cheythilla alle. Appum enthaayaalum ninne parichayam kaanum.

Suddenly he spots some hot chicks by the road,
Chottu (surprised): eh, Tvm il inganeyum piece ukalo?
Me: Ninne poole ulla alavalaadi vaaynookkikal naadu vittappol pennungal veettinu veliyil irangi thudangi. 
Chottu: Ente bike inte purakilirunnu anaavashyam paranjaal vazhiyil irakki vidum njaan. 

Chottu sees the road being raised at a turn,
Chottu: Enthonne aade athu, pokki vecheekkunne?
Me: Eda manda, athaanu banking of curve. 
Chottu: Oho, ividuthe civil engineer maarku vivaram vachu thudangiyo?
Me: Ippum athokke 12thil tuitionu padikkunnathalle.
Chottu: Verutheeyalla. 

We waited outside KP’s house, while Rahul and I had a small chat; when a cow passed by mooing.
Rahul: KP iyude neighbour pashu aane athu. Avanumaayitte nalla companiya. 
Me (shouting out to KP): Ede KP, ninte neighbour pashu kollamallodey, nalla thadichu kozhuthu irikkunnu.
When all of a sudden, kp’s fat neighbour lady passes by staring at us with a contemptuous scowl. All of us hastily left the place for Kovalam (me struggling hard to wipe the sweat off my forehead)

On reaching Kovalam, 

Chottu: Vellathil irangaan plan undo?
KP: Illa, vellam nammude vayattil irakkaan plan unde. 
Chottu: cash thikayumoonne nookkatte.
And takes his fat wallet full of 100 Rs notes.
Me: Ninte kaiyil van cash aanallo.
Chottu (sighs): Veedanikkunna koodeeshwaran.

That ends the quips.

_______________________________________________________

Now starts the snaps; it's 'say cheese' time. Views from inside and atop the lighthouse -- 

Through the tiny window of lighthouse we peered................into the abounding blessed ocean that lay ahead.

And off we climbed to the very top of the tall lighthouse and gazed down to see the Arabian Sea splashing herself on to the big grey rocks. 

Then we looked East, and saw the coves abutting the blue green sea; the sea that sparkled across her own ripples.

Then we looked West, and saw that small mosque at the edge of the land, and stared at it like Kant at his church steeple.

And one small sail crawled towards the gentle sea with its wings moved against the blue cool limit of the sky.

And we climbed down from the tall tower and walked towards the beach when the sun shone in bright orange as earth lurched away from it making a golden billow of foamy clouds above the sea.  

And we hit cheers. Sipping that icy cold beer facing the sea and watching the sun go down the horizon, the sensuous touch of that balmy breeze enfolded my body in its soft close embrace, and it was, as DeLarge puts it “gorgeousness and gorgeosity made flesh”. It was bliss...............and the darkness of night started creeping in................and the evening slowly whispered away. 

Save me an explanation

The new caption of an old neighborhood restaurant: 

Then what if I eat nuts! 

P.S. An old joke I know :D
[Link]

Of fans & tails

Bijo is a sweet and simple guy in my telecom class at Keltron. Bijo is from the north of Kerala. For the uninitiated, the people to the north are ardent fans of Mammootty and those to the south are ardent fans of Mohanlal. Also for the uninitiated, the locals of Trivandrum (ya ya it includes me) are perhaps one of the rudest lot in the State. Altercations between the fans of both actors are pretty common in the city. So much by way of introduction. 

Last day Bijo decided to see a movie (starring Mammootty of course); he hires an autorikshaw and goes to the theatre. As the rikshaw approached the theatre, the auto driver peeped his head out, looks at the Mammootty poster, turns back and stares at Bijo. The stare gradually turns to scorn; driver opens his mouth; theri abhisheekam begins.....FLASH! FLASH!....Ninakkonnum veere oru cinemayum kaanaan kittiyilla alleedaa....FLASH! FLASH! FLASH!!!.....Bijo barely escapes from the scene.

Next day Bijo comes to me and says,
“Enthuvaada eee naattukaarude prashnam. Aaa auto driver enne thalli illaa ennee olloo; kashtichu rekshapettu. Njaan ithrayum pulicha theri ithu vare keettittilla.” 

I grinned and said “Welcome to Tvm. Our motto is ‘Live and let die’."

P.S. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. 

Axe effect gone Ox effect

* No: of years since I’ve been using Axe: since before Noah’s flood
* No: of Axe bottles bought: countless
* No: of different flavors of Axe tried: umpteen
* No: of 100 Rs note Unilever oozed out of my pocket: I better not think about it 
* No: of girls fallen (figuratively): 1 (rounded to the next highest integer) 
* No: of girls fallen (literally): 1 (thanks to banana peels)
* No: of girls fallen (totally): Aargh, next question please. 
* No: of infatuations (unrequited, obviously!): innumerous

                           An inside view of my cupboard

Corollary:

* Money spent on Valentines Day: Not Applicable
* Money spent on romantic greeting cards: Nil
* Money spent on sweets, chocolates, ice-creams et al: Nil
* Money spent on cell phone recharge for romantic conversations: Nil
* Money spent on petrol to reach romantic spots: Nil
* Time spent in understanding female psyche: Nil

* Peace of mind attained: Infinite --- Quod Erat Demonstratum 

To borrow the words from the blog of a senior at school as well as college:-

It’s ok. There’re always arranged marriages for losers like us. 
--- Jiby 

Anyway, an advance Happy Valentines Day! (to whomsoever it may concern)

A flawed cover-up

The driving goof ups of the fairer sex, as described by Mathew, invoke certain memories from the backyards of my mind. It’s nothing much but I decided to pen it down anyway. 

About 10 years back, (the times when my mom contributed generously to the exponential increase in the road accidents in this city), dad was out of town for a few days giving stern instructions to mom not to even think about touching the ‘just repaired’ car. But as they say, ladies will always be ladies; mom hit the pedal of the car minutes after dad was gone. As usual, she came back with scratches and patches on the car door; but this time she came back with some cheap paint and a brush along with the ‘bruised’ car. With meticulous perfection as that of a consummate artist, she dips the brush in paint, she strokes the brush on the door, she slides the brush along the edges. And after a while she leaves the garage with a contented smile. 

Dad comes back, glances at the car, raises his eyebrows, squints his eyes, looks at mom and says,

“There’s something bizarre about this door of the car.”

only to see mom’s faint smile (you didn’t have to go to Louvre museum to see the mysterious smile of Mona Lisa; you just had to look at mom’s face). The volume level of the TV reached its apogee as certain conversations transpired between mom and dad. Ya I know, conversation is a euphemism here. 

Familial Conversations

Snippets of conversations from inside the family: 

Mom: eppazha avide pookunne?
Dad: pookumbam pookum.

Mom: Babychen enna thirichu varunne?
Dad: varumbam varum.

Mom: party engane ondaarunnu?
Dad: angane okke thanne ondaarunnu.

Mom: eda, Friday evening Sheila aunteede veettil njaan pookunnunde. Nee varunno?
Me: Friday evening njaan oru vayaruveedana expect cheyyunnu.
Mom: neere chovve enikke utharam thannillenkil athinu mumbe thanne ninakku vayaruveedana expect cheyyaam. 

Homework: Does it mean she’s gonna cook me bad food or is she gonna punch me in the stomach?

Inane Questions

Saw this question posted in an internet community forum: 

Do Indians know anything about sex?

The best answer among the lot, I could see, was:

How do you suppose India has a population of 1.1 billion?? 

P.S. “Why the hell did you go to that forum in the first place?” --- Please refrain from asking such depressing questions, ok.

Off to Delhi

On hearing I'm going to Delhi,

Sis: "Enikke patiala vaangichu kondu varanam"
Mom (irritated): "Thalkaalam oru patti valayum vaangikkenda! Athonnum ival idaan pookunnnilla!!"

The Story behind the Prize

You know what’s the most happening thing in Kerala these days. Well, it’s an interesting ‘event’ known as load shedding. For the uninitiated, load shedding is a benevolent initiative of the State Government (or more precisely, KSEB) for the promotion of family welfare activities. How do they do that? Pretty simple. They cut the electricity supply during those peak hours when housewives will be busy watching mega serials, teenagers will be listening to music systems, kids will be playing computer games, geeks will be studying their asses off, jobless people will be blogging about how the state government promotes family welfare activities, etc etc etc. When there’s no electricity, these ‘busy’ people lights a candle and gathers around it. Since no one has anything else to do, they start chatting and sharing stories, and it will be like a family get-together. Voila, objective accomplished. Seriously man, think about it, though the government intends to lower power consumption, it really brings about some family bonding. It was during one of those load sheddings that dad told us one of his personal anecdotes. Here it goes:

Nine years back, dad was a guest scientist in Clemson University for about a year. Now, Clemson is a small town in South Carolina and there was a local church where dad lived which organized a multitude of social activities like picnics, outdoor games, sports competitions, and stuff like that. The people were really friendly and always insisted that dad join these activities. He did, but there was this sport meet organized by them, and though dad initially hesitated to participate in it, was persistently insisted to join them. So off went dad to a 3 kms race, in which they had to run 1.5 km to a particular point and then come back to the starting line, to finish the race. The race started and the competitors sped ahead of dad leaving him behind. Dad was 47 at that time, so imagine the plight of running 3 kms with all these people. After about half a kilometer, dad stopped and rested for a while; then started running back. As soon as he approached the finishing line, the crowd started clapping and cheering. Dad kept saying that he didn’t run full length and there has been mistake, but amidst the chaos there, no one really listened. The other runners came after a while only to see dad being crowned as the winner, but they took it quite sportingly; and all these time, dad was trying to make them understand what happened. Well the result was announced and dad won the 1st prize, the first ever prize he had won in his life for any sport, and all these years he kept bragging about it to us. Well, finally he revealed what actually happened, thanks to those family bonding sessions initiated by the State Government. 

P.S. No, my family doesn’t know I’ve a blog. So I needn’t worry much about getting kicked out of the house. 

Dear Gentlemen and Ladies

Prologue:

According to the Bible, God created Adam out of sand. Then he created Eve out of Adam’s backbone. 
Question: Why didn’t God create Eve out of sand? (Assuming there was still plenty of sand available)
Answer: Coz he knew that men shall be wiped off from earth had he done that. 

N.B. This is not a post regarding which gender is superior. It merely deals with the plight of one of the sexes caused by the other. And no, I don’t hate women; I’m a sympathizer of my fraternity. (Post to be taken in a lighter vein)

Scene 1: A hot afternoon in front of “New” theatre at Thambanoor

I looked at my watch; the time is 2.15 PM. I’ve been here for half an hour sweating in the middle of a long queue; the guard doesn’t allow ‘anyone’ to enter the gates until 2.45 PM. Anyone?? No, anyone except a particular kind of species; a species which are called by the funny name ‘women’, who coolly walked by the gates giving me a smug look. While I sweated out hours in the hot scorching sun to get to the ticket counter, it was just a matter of seconds for this species to get ‘em. And when I finally reached the counter, the balcony tickets were sold out. 

Scene 2: A crowded bus stop at Ulloor

As soon as the bus arrived, I jumped and hopped into it and barely managed to get a side seat. After a while comes the so called ‘species’ demanding me to get up. Darn! Ladies seat!! Not again! Nevertheless, being the chivalrous young man I’m, alright alright, a ‘wanna-be’ chivalrous young man I’m; I got up and graciously gave ‘my’ seat to them, only to get that 'cheap guy' stares. And O brothers, your faithful narrator, who earned his seat, stood in a corner bearing all the kicking and elbowing of the crowd. 

Brothers, wake up! They’re here, there, everywhere; from the President of India to the Chancellor of Germany, from the President of Congress to the CEO of Pepsico, from Poomanam to Mindspace (Yes, they’ve even dominated the blogosphere. I demand 33.33% visiters of these blogs be given to poor male bloggers like me). Still the echo that’s clamoring is “Reservation” and “Ladies First”. And this is not the case just in India, it’s a widespread epidemic across the world. Here are some statistics:

• The disparity in the spending on men and women in the healthcare system. As an example, in the United Kingdom significantly more money is spent on breast cancer research than prostate cancer research. 40,000 cases of breast cancer were detected in the UK in 2000 and claimed the lives of 13,000 women in 2002. In 2000, about 27,200 cases of prostate cancer were detected and claimed nearly 10,000 lives in 2002 in the UK.
• Increasing suicide rate amongst young men, four times higher than amongst young women in the United Kingdom; (73% of all suicide deaths in the United States are white males.)
• In recent years, girls in the United States have tended to perform better in most educational levels and subjects. In the United States, 57% of college students are women, and the number is growing. The trend is similar in other industrialized countries.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men's_rights

As you can see, whether it’s healthcare or education or any field for that matter, women are given priority. What about the born-unlucky boy of today?? 

Poor young man being (wo)man-handled
Photo Courtesy: www.funtoosh.com

Cases of husband battering are not unheard of in this era. But due to the social stigma associated with it, the voices of the victims are not heard in the society. And you think this happens in humans alone. Well think again.

Once the king of jungle. Now, a victim of harassment. 
Photo Courtesy: www.icanhascheezburger.com

Brothers, no longer should we ignore the plights of our fellow comrades. They are being victims to the legions of destruction a.k.a. women. Let’s fight for our rights.

“Eda, I need the computer”

Me: 1 minute mom
Mom: What’re you typing so hard, let me see.
Me: Nothing mom, just some, errr
Mom (glancing through the post): WHAT!! Women? Legions? Destruction??? 
Me: I can explain.
Mom: WHY YOU UNFILIAL BRAT!!!

*thwack* *thwack* *THUD* 
“No, let me explaaaiiiiiiiyeeeeeeeeks………..
*thwack* *thud* ZAP!!!

The Demo Strike

Strikes are no novel things in our college. On April 1, the Mechanical Engg dudes of S8 decided to launch yet another strike for granting some very simple demands. Luckily, Chottu’s cam could get hold of a pic of the poster. Here it goes:



Clarifications:

Point no: 1 - College is situated in Pappanamcode and many of the hostelers go to their native places on weekends by train. Very genuine demand to cut down the commuting time.

Point no: 2 - Pappanamcode area becomes extremely congested during the morning rush hours and hence an underpass serves the students’ interests to reach college on time.

Point no: 3 – Five storeys and no escalator; how rude!!

Point no: 4 - FM lab is the Fluid Mechanics lab and it consists of a small reservoir to store water.

Point no: 5 - Principal drives a Mitsubishi Lancer.

Point no: 6 - There’s not even a single girl in the Mechanical Engg batch of S8 (Poor guys). So 50% reservation is a very altruistic consideration for girls.

Point no: 7 – The current canteen running on losses will be an instant hit when this demand is accepted.

Point no: 8 – After the grueling sessions (read sleeping)  in classrooms, a theme park will serve the recreation purpose.

P.S. The demo strike was the April Fool in our college and this year the M8 dudes made the most of it.
P.P.S. Happens only in SCT!!

An Electromagnetic Love Letter

 From

Mr. Mike Rowave
House no: e^2 (rounded to next highest integer)
GSM Street
Entropy City
Pin no: 101001 (Huffman encoded)

To
Ms. AnnTina
C/o Mr. Marconi
House no: 22/7 (approx.)
Shannon Street
Bode City
Pin no: 110010 (Lempel-ziv coded)

Dear Ms. AnnTina,

Yesterday I saw you standing at the top of a tower with a beautiful pair of color coded resistors and a perfectly matched inductor & capacitor. Seeing the perfect parabolic shape and the perfectly symmetric circuit you have, my heart beats increased at the rate of 20 dB/decade with an amplification factor of 100. The electromagnetic waves that you radiated intercepted my heart and started oscillating in there, I waited for the oscillations to damp away but it exponentially increased and my poles started to drift to the right half of my heart’s S plane. I immediately realized that I was in love with you and decided to write this letter. From the moment I saw you, my square waved life got differentiated to sudden spikes with double amplitude and I realized that without you my system violates the stability criterion. I analyzed both our circuits using small signals and deduced that our hearts and souls are of the same frequency & phase and therefore interfere constructively. Then I applied the boundary conditions to solve the continuity of our love and inferred that you are the only one for me like an electron for a hole. Together we can achieve infinite gain & unlimited bandwidth and hence become the ideal system for lossless affection. Please do not filter my unquantized love for you as I hope that my phase shift keying will unlock the deepest recesses in your heart. In which direction and with what amplitude should I transmit my love for you to achieve the maximum love transfer and  minimum attenuation in your heart? Am I elliptically or circularly polarized? Please solve me.

With lots of decibels,

Mike Rowave (3.25 Giga 'Heart'z)

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   "An Electromagnetic Love Letter" by Thomas Sebastian is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License.

'21' , The Privileged

I turned 21 a week ago. So, no b'day wishes. (Got reminded of the fact that i'm 'marriable')

Other permissible activities across the world (Courtesy:- Wikipedia):

• In the United States, 21 is the minimum legal age at which one can purchase and drink alcoholic beverages.
• It is also the age at which it is legal to gamble.
• A person who is 21 or over may also rent a car.
• It is also the age where one can legally buy tickets for minors who want to see an R-rated movie. That individual must also see the movie with them as well.
• It is also the minimum age at which one can purchase a handgun or rent/use one without supervision.
• In the UK, 21 is the age when a person can become a member of Parliament, hire a car and adopt a child.
  

Yackety Yackety Yack